"love and a steady hand"

So, I have a problem.

Well, I have many problems, but I also have a specific problem.

Some things I decide I want to learn, whinge about for a while, try and then determine that they're unlearnable and the grapes were sour anyway. (see: wearing make up)

Some things I decide I want to learn, whinge about for a while, learn and then decide they can't be that special because I managed to learn how to do it after all. (see: cooking)

Some things I decide I want to learn, make some large purchase in order to teach myself, and then leave said purchase gathering dust somewhere and feel guilty about every time I see (see: kitchenaid pasta maker attachment).

Some things I decide I want to learn, don't make the purchase because I think I should acquire the skill before expending capital on it, and then never learn (see: sewing by machine).

Some things I decide I want to learn and then can't figure out how the hell to do so in a way that works with my learning style. For example, I want to learn to ride a bike, in a city, without dying. But, my preferred method of learning is to go someplace where no one else is, and fail at a skill until I learn how not to fail at it, and once I've decided I have basic competency, seek out additional training. So I want somewhere to take a bike and fall off of it until I stop falling off of it and possibly practice not-dying in traffic, which isn't really a thing I can fail at until I stop failing, but more of a yes/no question.

I tried earlier this year failing at something. More specifically, I tried something I didn't know whether I could do (belly dancing) and hated it. Hated it a lot, in fact. But bullied myself into going and rapidly progressed from crying after class (in frustration), crying before class (in dread) and crying during class (again, frustration). I don't want to subject other people to this. I think it's rude, and immature, and a fairly unlikeable way to respond to challenges. However, the only way I know how not to cry is a lot of self-castigation and internal yelling, and I'm trying to do less of that.

But, I still want to learn how to ride a bike, and if I wait until I have healthy coping mechanisms with my own awkwardness, I may be waiting forever. So, grrr.

"love and a steady hand"

So, I have a problem.

Well, I have many problems, but I also have a specific problem.

Some things I decide I want to learn, whinge about for a while, try and then determine that they're unlearnable and the grapes were sour anyway. (see: wearing make up)

Some things I decide I want to learn, whinge about for a while, learn and then decide they can't be that special because I managed to learn how to do it after all. (see: cooking)

Some things I decide I want to learn, make some large purchase in order to teach myself, and then leave said purchase gathering dust somewhere and feel guilty about every time I see (see: kitchenaid pasta maker attachment).

Some things I decide I want to learn, don't make the purchase because I think I should acquire the skill before expending capital on it, and then never learn (see: sewing by machine).

Some things I decide I want to learn and then can't figure out how the hell to do so in a way that works with my learning style. For example, I want to learn to ride a bike, in a city, without dying. But, my preferred method of learning is to go someplace where no one else is, and fail at a skill until I learn how not to fail at it, and once I've decided I have basic competency, seek out additional training. So I want somewhere to take a bike and fall off of it until I stop falling off of it and possibly practice not-dying in traffic, which isn't really a thing I can fail at until I stop failing, but more of a yes/no question.

I tried earlier this year failing at something. More specifically, I tried something I didn't know whether I could do (belly dancing) and hated it. Hated it a lot, in fact. But bullied myself into going and rapidly progressed from crying after class (in frustration), crying before class (in dread) and crying during class (again, frustration). I don't want to subject other people to this. I think it's rude, and immature, and a fairly unlikeable way to respond to challenges. However, the only way I know how not to cry is a lot of self-castigation and internal yelling, and I'm trying to do less of that.

But, I still want to learn how to ride a bike, and if I wait until I have healthy coping mechanisms with my own awkwardness, I may be waiting forever. So, grrr.