"what to build and what to burn"

A nice weekend. Initially, I was a little sad, in part because J&S couldn't come down (for awesome reasons, but still sad). But Friday after an especially grueling workout, I cleaned all the things, went to Harvard Square, got sucked in by a pretty girl at lush, and went to a Winterpills show. The first set was by a band named The Grownup Noise, which I'd seen posters for, but hadn't ever heard, and quite enjoyed. (the winterpills are more Jason's thing than mine, but they've got some awesome stuff and they played Pills for Sara.) And C was there, which was also awesome.

Firstly, I wanted to run away with the accordion/keyboard player. As I told Delight's husband, it is sometimes obvious when performers haven't practiced any sort of performing face, and the accordion player was adorable and making all sorts of faces as he rocked out. Secondly, I hatehatehate that moment of paralysis when a band asks for audience requests and I know exactly the song I want to ask for, and could sing it, but can't remember the goddamn title (this time it was Beesting)

Saturday involved an unexpected run-in with Delight and her delightful husband at Sherman, and even though I felt like I had morning-brain and nothing to say, it's always awesome to see her, and I invited her to bring-a-guest-for-free day at Healthworks on Tuesday, even though I rehearsed asking like seventeen times in my head, because a) I'm not a huge fan of sweating in front of people I know and b) it seems a little like "let's see each other naked in a weird context" and, well, it's one thing to have strangers look askance at my mastectomy scars and another thing entirely to have people I know see them. But I did it, because I remembered she missed the gym, and she seemed pleased.

And then a study date at PSB, a lazy afternoon, and then out to Hands and Hips' to entirely fail to watch a meteor shower. I figure it gets 3/4s credit on my 101 things list. I was in a hot tub with them, and there was a meteor shower happening, even if the cloud cover obscured it. Also, I found the idea of Disney world with them oddly appealing. (there's weird, old history with Disney World, things from Light's first wife that I still can't 100% shake even if it's not at all relevant anymore).

Today was a lot of sleep, breakfast, grocery store, buying a whole lot of presents for our niece's birthday, more sleep, and making pizza and an awesome watermelon-feta salad. (turns out there are ways to convince me arugula isn't some weird emperor's-new-clothes kind of a green, it can actually be enjoyable). Also, we washed the saddest dog in the world, complete with a award-winning performance of the trifecta of shaking, flinching and betrayed-face.

I keep spending all this time on the internet going down harassment policy rabbit-holes, reading endless backlogs of posts by people who are talking about these things, and it certainly doesn't fill me with a warm glow of faith in humanity. I'm in a place now where I feel like harassment can't ever be prevented, it can only be made unacceptable and swiftly punished. But, maybe there is a near-perfect world where there can be words to explain in an entirely uninterpretable way what will and will not be accepted, and a way to make sure that everyone understands it applies to everyone.

I'm contemplating attending a meet-up, on the idea that people who are actively soliciting friendships are probably the best way to make friends. And it's not that I feel like there's some number I'm attempting to reach (fourteen instead of ten), or set that I'm trying to collect all of, but I still want to do Things, and it's still hard to find people to do them with, and I still want to be exposed to new ideas, new adventures, new ways to go. And I poke that this urge sometimes, I started off volunteering when we moved here, and I've joined concoms, and tried to convince myself to attend humanist brunches, knitting circles, etc.

And...it's easier now that I feel much less incomplete, less like I'm fleeing from or chasing. I want these things, but if I can't arrange to have the world provide them to me, I can also sit on my couch with my favorite person, a whole lot of small animals and read and cross-stitch until I get restless, and then go do something, and then go back to the couch when I'm done. I'm still becoming, and that's awesome too.

"what to build and what to burn"

A nice weekend. Initially, I was a little sad, in part because J&S couldn't come down (for awesome reasons, but still sad). But Friday after an especially grueling workout, I cleaned all the things, went to Harvard Square, got sucked in by a pretty girl at lush, and went to a Winterpills show. The first set was by a band named The Grownup Noise, which I'd seen posters for, but hadn't ever heard, and quite enjoyed. (the winterpills are more Jason's thing than mine, but they've got some awesome stuff and they played Pills for Sara.) And C was there, which was also awesome.

Firstly, I wanted to run away with the accordion/keyboard player. As I told Delight's husband, it is sometimes obvious when performers haven't practiced any sort of performing face, and the accordion player was adorable and making all sorts of faces as he rocked out. Secondly, I hatehatehate that moment of paralysis when a band asks for audience requests and I know exactly the song I want to ask for, and could sing it, but can't remember the goddamn title (this time it was Beesting)

Saturday involved an unexpected run-in with Delight and her delightful husband at Sherman, and even though I felt like I had morning-brain and nothing to say, it's always awesome to see her, and I invited her to bring-a-guest-for-free day at Healthworks on Tuesday, even though I rehearsed asking like seventeen times in my head, because a) I'm not a huge fan of sweating in front of people I know and b) it seems a little like "let's see each other naked in a weird context" and, well, it's one thing to have strangers look askance at my mastectomy scars and another thing entirely to have people I know see them. But I did it, because I remembered she missed the gym, and she seemed pleased.

And then a study date at PSB, a lazy afternoon, and then out to Hands and Hips' to entirely fail to watch a meteor shower. I figure it gets 3/4s credit on my 101 things list. I was in a hot tub with them, and there was a meteor shower happening, even if the cloud cover obscured it. Also, I found the idea of Disney world with them oddly appealing. (there's weird, old history with Disney World, things from Light's first wife that I still can't 100% shake even if it's not at all relevant anymore).

Today was a lot of sleep, breakfast, grocery store, buying a whole lot of presents for our niece's birthday, more sleep, and making pizza and an awesome watermelon-feta salad. (turns out there are ways to convince me arugula isn't some weird emperor's-new-clothes kind of a green, it can actually be enjoyable). Also, we washed the saddest dog in the world, complete with a award-winning performance of the trifecta of shaking, flinching and betrayed-face.

I keep spending all this time on the internet going down harassment policy rabbit-holes, reading endless backlogs of posts by people who are talking about these things, and it certainly doesn't fill me with a warm glow of faith in humanity. I'm in a place now where I feel like harassment can't ever be prevented, it can only be made unacceptable and swiftly punished. But, maybe there is a near-perfect world where there can be words to explain in an entirely uninterpretable way what will and will not be accepted, and a way to make sure that everyone understands it applies to everyone.

I'm contemplating attending a meet-up, on the idea that people who are actively soliciting friendships are probably the best way to make friends. And it's not that I feel like there's some number I'm attempting to reach (fourteen instead of ten), or set that I'm trying to collect all of, but I still want to do Things, and it's still hard to find people to do them with, and I still want to be exposed to new ideas, new adventures, new ways to go. And I poke that this urge sometimes, I started off volunteering when we moved here, and I've joined concoms, and tried to convince myself to attend humanist brunches, knitting circles, etc.

And...it's easier now that I feel much less incomplete, less like I'm fleeing from or chasing. I want these things, but if I can't arrange to have the world provide them to me, I can also sit on my couch with my favorite person, a whole lot of small animals and read and cross-stitch until I get restless, and then go do something, and then go back to the couch when I'm done. I'm still becoming, and that's awesome too.