"that's my secret, Cap. I'm always angry"

As I've been bitching about for about what feel likes forever, work still hasn't resolved itself. The future of the Center is unclear, and there's no idea of when clarity might be achieved, much less any hint as to what the resolution would be. As it drags on, I think there's less and less chance of a positive resolution, unless maybe positive means the Center closes and I move onto whatever is next. If I outwait the chaos, if I do get laid off, the beast gives me many, many months of salary. (60 days notice, followed by 90 days of something called work security, where the Beast pays me my salary for three months of job-hunting, and that's hard to walk away from the possibility of it.

Uncertainty drives me mad. On the extreme level, I chopped my boobs off rather than deal with their timebomb-ness. (timeboobs!) I think prefer being left to not knowing where I stand (maybe this is true, but it's equally true that I've yet to develop enough dignity to tell someone that his or her crumbs aren't really enough.) And I suck at the time between offer and responses (I regularly try to talk myself off of "they don't respond because I did something and now i have to figure out what it was and undo it" ledges, with limited success).

butbutbut. I'm cultivating numbness and it's creeping out into the rest of the world. I play too many silly word games, read too much avengers fanfiction, get too caught up in my own ruffled feelings, spend too much time making the "too much" distinction. I'm accumulating craft-like projects, and spending a lot of time thinking about the differences between arts and crafts. Either this uncertainty is the worst possible way for me to live, or it's a lovely learning experience. Or something else entirely.

I kind of just want to figure out where to put my hands.

"that's my secret, Cap. I'm always angry"

As I've been bitching about for about what feel likes forever, work still hasn't resolved itself. The future of the Center is unclear, and there's no idea of when clarity might be achieved, much less any hint as to what the resolution would be. As it drags on, I think there's less and less chance of a positive resolution, unless maybe positive means the Center closes and I move onto whatever is next. If I outwait the chaos, if I do get laid off, the beast gives me many, many months of salary. (60 days notice, followed by 90 days of something called work security, where the Beast pays me my salary for three months of job-hunting, and that's hard to walk away from the possibility of it.

Uncertainty drives me mad. On the extreme level, I chopped my boobs off rather than deal with their timebomb-ness. (timeboobs!) I think prefer being left to not knowing where I stand (maybe this is true, but it's equally true that I've yet to develop enough dignity to tell someone that his or her crumbs aren't really enough.) And I suck at the time between offer and responses (I regularly try to talk myself off of "they don't respond because I did something and now i have to figure out what it was and undo it" ledges, with limited success).

butbutbut. I'm cultivating numbness and it's creeping out into the rest of the world. I play too many silly word games, read too much avengers fanfiction, get too caught up in my own ruffled feelings, spend too much time making the "too much" distinction. I'm accumulating craft-like projects, and spending a lot of time thinking about the differences between arts and crafts. Either this uncertainty is the worst possible way for me to live, or it's a lovely learning experience. Or something else entirely.

I kind of just want to figure out where to put my hands.