"brackish feelings to bail out"

I had a moment today, which I think I was supposed to take something away from, but I haven't yet figured out exactly what to take. I went to Boskone, to help Purple with her photo booth and to see if I could clear up some of my lingering confusion (no pun intended) about if/why I want to be part of all this.

So, there were comfy chairs, and I was sort of just sitting back watching the world pass by. And the next part I don't entirely remember, but I ended up having this sort of rotating conversation with Feste, Bespoke, Dr. R and Hips. And sometimes I felt too intent, too interested, and sometimes the conversation sailed right over my head (some days I feel like I should go get a bachelors in CS just so I can follow more of the conversations that take place around me. Though I'm managing to ask for less technical, more metaphorical conversations sometimes.) But I felt like I was being an interesting person, and I was glad that these people, who are all awesome in different ways, met and had something to say to each other, but I also wasn't super-invested in them liking each other, which is usually something that plagues me, even though I have a type that spans social circles, I never want to cross the streams.

I feel like I'm getting closer to being someone who can take or leave other people's interest in me, except approaching it from the opposite side that I'm used to. It's less fuck the world and more I know I'm interesting so it matters less if other people find me so. Which isn't to say there isn't still a healthy dose of fuck the world here. And of course there will be disappointments and setbacks and that feeling that everyone else knows something I don't, but that's why I'm writing down the good parts, so when those days come, if I'm lucky I can look back and remember that it isn't really all of the days, it just feels like it is.

I'm still not saying this right. I'm still telling the people that I like I like them in my weird awkward way, I still feel like there's a rule book that I'm not allowed to see and this entire world that I don't have access to, but it might be okay, because I do have access to the one inside my house, with my awesome husband and my awesome pets and books and books and books.

So, if there's a word for bibliomancy and a word for augury and a word for haruspicy, what's the equivalent word for reading your future in whatever comes up on random shuffle in my ipod?

"brackish feelings to bail out"

I had a moment today, which I think I was supposed to take something away from, but I haven't yet figured out exactly what to take. I went to Boskone, to help Purple with her photo booth and to see if I could clear up some of my lingering confusion (no pun intended) about if/why I want to be part of all this.

So, there were comfy chairs, and I was sort of just sitting back watching the world pass by. And the next part I don't entirely remember, but I ended up having this sort of rotating conversation with Feste, Bespoke, Dr. R and Hips. And sometimes I felt too intent, too interested, and sometimes the conversation sailed right over my head (some days I feel like I should go get a bachelors in CS just so I can follow more of the conversations that take place around me. Though I'm managing to ask for less technical, more metaphorical conversations sometimes.) But I felt like I was being an interesting person, and I was glad that these people, who are all awesome in different ways, met and had something to say to each other, but I also wasn't super-invested in them liking each other, which is usually something that plagues me, even though I have a type that spans social circles, I never want to cross the streams.

I feel like I'm getting closer to being someone who can take or leave other people's interest in me, except approaching it from the opposite side that I'm used to. It's less fuck the world and more I know I'm interesting so it matters less if other people find me so. Which isn't to say there isn't still a healthy dose of fuck the world here. And of course there will be disappointments and setbacks and that feeling that everyone else knows something I don't, but that's why I'm writing down the good parts, so when those days come, if I'm lucky I can look back and remember that it isn't really all of the days, it just feels like it is.

I'm still not saying this right. I'm still telling the people that I like I like them in my weird awkward way, I still feel like there's a rule book that I'm not allowed to see and this entire world that I don't have access to, but it might be okay, because I do have access to the one inside my house, with my awesome husband and my awesome pets and books and books and books.

So, if there's a word for bibliomancy and a word for augury and a word for haruspicy, what's the equivalent word for reading your future in whatever comes up on random shuffle in my ipod?