(no subject)

Well, it's been about two years since Asshat unceremoniously dumped me. It was an ugly, ugly scene and pretty much conclusively determined that it is wildly improbable that I get to be married to Light because, for the vast majority of the time, my taste in men is absolute shit and while the actually sleeping with someone else was novel, a lot of the other bits were an old story set to new music.

For years upon years, I had close male friends that I had no romantic interactions with. Sometimes it was that horrible classic narrative, of being the friend when all I really wanted was to date them, sometimes it was something else, sometimes I wanted something with more constancy than being a girlfriend would give me.

I'm not in touch with any of them anymore. Hell, I don't even really have friends from my past. I left Keene like it was on fire, and then I don't really know what happened in college, other than I didn't stay in academia like almost everyone else, and it's possible that I was/am furious that no one tried harder to save me, but that's a story another day.

But, I think was trying to recapture something by being poly, some mimicry of an old way of making connections, some way of being important to someone, some way to keep.or be kept. And I made a couple false assumptions, based on my experience with Light about trust and commitment and all those other things. But it turns out my sexuality, even now, is still a work in progress and how I judge my worth is even more so.

But, there's a girlyman show tonight, and I must say that I smell fantastic at the moment,. Oh, Possets decanting circles, I'm never going to be able to quit you.

(no subject)

Well, it's been about two years since Asshat unceremoniously dumped me. It was an ugly, ugly scene and pretty much conclusively determined that it is wildly improbable that I get to be married to Light because, for the vast majority of the time, my taste in men is absolute shit and while the actually sleeping with someone else was novel, a lot of the other bits were an old story set to new music.

For years upon years, I had close male friends that I had no romantic interactions with. Sometimes it was that horrible classic narrative, of being the friend when all I really wanted was to date them, sometimes it was something else, sometimes I wanted something with more constancy than being a girlfriend would give me.

I'm not in touch with any of them anymore. Hell, I don't even really have friends from my past. I left Keene like it was on fire, and then I don't really know what happened in college, other than I didn't stay in academia like almost everyone else, and it's possible that I was/am furious that no one tried harder to save me, but that's a story another day.

But, I think was trying to recapture something by being poly, some mimicry of an old way of making connections, some way of being important to someone, some way to keep.or be kept. And I made a couple false assumptions, based on my experience with Light about trust and commitment and all those other things. But it turns out my sexuality, even now, is still a work in progress and how I judge my worth is even more so.

But, there's a girlyman show tonight, and I must say that I smell fantastic at the moment,. Oh, Possets decanting circles, I'm never going to be able to quit you.