"Honey, this race ain't for the winning"

I went speed-dating last night. By the end I was exhausted, a little damaged and deeply confused. But I also had a grand old time. I'm not certain that it was actually me I was presenting and the most interesting person I had a five minute date with was the one that I was the most flustered/least interesting for. And I went on twelve five-minute dates, and the people blur together already and I didn't take notes on purpose, because I didn't want to get invested. I don't want to be invested in the strangers, part of what I need to learn is that rejection from people I don't know doesn't have to devastate me, or even inform me.

It turns out, when called upon to talk to five minutes for a complete stranger, my fall-back topics are Light and public transit. I have Opinions about public transit. And I'll show anyone who will stand still pictures of Moppet. And the journeyman server who I have a LUDICROUS crush on was there volunteering and checked me in and I was too flustered to even really say hi.

I thought after Asshat nearly burnt me to the ground and after I couldn't form a deep enough attachment to T, I'd stop trying to figure out how to have multiple relationships. Then I acknowledged to myself I had a huge crush on Bespoke, who is a lovely, lovely man and a crappy, crappy object choice.

I wonder if I'm just trying to distract myself, like when you give a dog a bone to try to keep it from chewing on the furniture, and I'm still looking for an adequately distracting substitution, an object with enough value to divert me and durable enough to take the wear and tear.

If only my library card had enough agency to pay attention to me.

"Honey, this race ain't for the winning"

I went speed-dating last night. By the end I was exhausted, a little damaged and deeply confused. But I also had a grand old time. I'm not certain that it was actually me I was presenting and the most interesting person I had a five minute date with was the one that I was the most flustered/least interesting for. And I went on twelve five-minute dates, and the people blur together already and I didn't take notes on purpose, because I didn't want to get invested. I don't want to be invested in the strangers, part of what I need to learn is that rejection from people I don't know doesn't have to devastate me, or even inform me.

It turns out, when called upon to talk to five minutes for a complete stranger, my fall-back topics are Light and public transit. I have Opinions about public transit. And I'll show anyone who will stand still pictures of Moppet. And the journeyman server who I have a LUDICROUS crush on was there volunteering and checked me in and I was too flustered to even really say hi.

I thought after Asshat nearly burnt me to the ground and after I couldn't form a deep enough attachment to T, I'd stop trying to figure out how to have multiple relationships. Then I acknowledged to myself I had a huge crush on Bespoke, who is a lovely, lovely man and a crappy, crappy object choice.

I wonder if I'm just trying to distract myself, like when you give a dog a bone to try to keep it from chewing on the furniture, and I'm still looking for an adequately distracting substitution, an object with enough value to divert me and durable enough to take the wear and tear.

If only my library card had enough agency to pay attention to me.

(no subject)

Now for the more challenging part. Trying to maintain my very low expectations of the speed dating in the face of actually getting the results.

Four of those people liked me enough to say yes, let's exchange contact info. why the hell can't I just be pleased by that? Why instead do I want to focus on the people who didn't say yes?

(no subject)

Now for the more challenging part. Trying to maintain my very low expectations of the speed dating in the face of actually getting the results.

Four of those people liked me enough to say yes, let's exchange contact info. why the hell can't I just be pleased by that? Why instead do I want to focus on the people who didn't say yes?