(no subject)

Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to evoke a specific response when I post something to lj, as though if I were talented enough, or possibly if I were good/interesting/something enough, I'd be able to get the response I wanted. But I also don't actually know what the response I'm looking for is. There's never something I can point to and say "If person X said thing Y, it would be enough to calm me down."

Well, I guess that just means there's something still to aim at figuring out, shifting object choices or making myself more accountable for my own reassurances. I offer all these things up into the air, baked goods, the attempt to make myself useful, a clean house and an open heart, and most of the time, I don't think I'm doing it for a reward so much as I'm doing it to be at home in my skin. But there are also the other days, and I think I talk about those days more often, and I'm more likely to remember them.

March's playlist seemed to stray from the strictly folk into a little bit more of a 'fuck you, world' kind of territory. March's reading list wasn't much better, too many books half-begun and discarded due to lack of interest.

Trenches, Dear - Rebecca Loebe
Raise Your Glass - p!nk
Margaret vs Pauline - Neko Case
Stop Thinking - Lindsay Mac
Telephone - Lady Gaga
Taxicab Messiah - Kidneythieves
Dog Days are Over - Florence + the machine
Whatever Gets You by - the features
Black Sheep - the Evil Exes
Lose Yourself - eminem
Appetite - Citizen Cope
Underdog - Anne Heaton
Both Hands (rerecorded) Ani Difranco

Onwards to bed, though. There's a dog to cuddle and an electric blanket to take advantage of.

(no subject)

Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to evoke a specific response when I post something to lj, as though if I were talented enough, or possibly if I were good/interesting/something enough, I'd be able to get the response I wanted. But I also don't actually know what the response I'm looking for is. There's never something I can point to and say "If person X said thing Y, it would be enough to calm me down."

Well, I guess that just means there's something still to aim at figuring out, shifting object choices or making myself more accountable for my own reassurances. I offer all these things up into the air, baked goods, the attempt to make myself useful, a clean house and an open heart, and most of the time, I don't think I'm doing it for a reward so much as I'm doing it to be at home in my skin. But there are also the other days, and I think I talk about those days more often, and I'm more likely to remember them.

March's playlist seemed to stray from the strictly folk into a little bit more of a 'fuck you, world' kind of territory. March's reading list wasn't much better, too many books half-begun and discarded due to lack of interest.

Trenches, Dear - Rebecca Loebe
Raise Your Glass - p!nk
Margaret vs Pauline - Neko Case
Stop Thinking - Lindsay Mac
Telephone - Lady Gaga
Taxicab Messiah - Kidneythieves
Dog Days are Over - Florence + the machine
Whatever Gets You by - the features
Black Sheep - the Evil Exes
Lose Yourself - eminem
Appetite - Citizen Cope
Underdog - Anne Heaton
Both Hands (rerecorded) Ani Difranco

Onwards to bed, though. There's a dog to cuddle and an electric blanket to take advantage of.

(no subject)

Finally made it out to Watertown today, acquired date molasses and carob molasses from Sevan, some fancy chocolates and ginger chews from Fastachi, and some cookies from Massis that are like the magical children of teething biscuits and dates. I also tripped and fell and accidentally ended up in a going out of business Borders. I could have done more damage, but I could have done less.

This week we're intending to make sofra olive oil granola, mac'n'cheese, seitan tibetan burritos and pulao and raita. We've got tickets to both Girlyman shows (if I get brave, I'm going to give Doris some of my "fuck cancer" buttons") and Unexpected is showing up to stay with us while she's in town for a conference.

I had a dream where I had somehow gotten Mary Oliver to write out the words "You do not have to be good" in longhand, and that was how I solved my font paralysis. I'm enchanted by the idea, but uncertain if I want to try to realize it, or if it should stay firmly in the dreamlogic world.

I'm restless, or maybe agitated, or maybe just a little flustered. I feel like there should be something that I'm doing these Saturday nights, above and beyond going up to temple (B&N), or sitting around watching Light play Dragonage II and listening Moppet snarfle.

I've figured out a usename for my current crush-object, for now at least. Now I just have to figure out what's to be gained by talking about him here. I try to never say anything in this forum that I haven't already said to the person's face, no one should ever find out news about themselves via this medium, but I also feel more free to speak here, like it's less presumptuous to assume that the world at large would be interested in my feelings than any one, more specific person would be.

I think this crush is going to teach me something useful, if I let it. Hell, I think this year could teach me useful things. Now, however, unconsciousness.

(no subject)

Finally made it out to Watertown today, acquired date molasses and carob molasses from Sevan, some fancy chocolates and ginger chews from Fastachi, and some cookies from Massis that are like the magical children of teething biscuits and dates. I also tripped and fell and accidentally ended up in a going out of business Borders. I could have done more damage, but I could have done less.

This week we're intending to make sofra olive oil granola, mac'n'cheese, seitan tibetan burritos and pulao and raita. We've got tickets to both Girlyman shows (if I get brave, I'm going to give Doris some of my "fuck cancer" buttons") and Unexpected is showing up to stay with us while she's in town for a conference.

I had a dream where I had somehow gotten Mary Oliver to write out the words "You do not have to be good" in longhand, and that was how I solved my font paralysis. I'm enchanted by the idea, but uncertain if I want to try to realize it, or if it should stay firmly in the dreamlogic world.

I'm restless, or maybe agitated, or maybe just a little flustered. I feel like there should be something that I'm doing these Saturday nights, above and beyond going up to temple (B&N), or sitting around watching Light play Dragonage II and listening Moppet snarfle.

I've figured out a usename for my current crush-object, for now at least. Now I just have to figure out what's to be gained by talking about him here. I try to never say anything in this forum that I haven't already said to the person's face, no one should ever find out news about themselves via this medium, but I also feel more free to speak here, like it's less presumptuous to assume that the world at large would be interested in my feelings than any one, more specific person would be.

I think this crush is going to teach me something useful, if I let it. Hell, I think this year could teach me useful things. Now, however, unconsciousness.