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Apr. 23rd, 2008 10:34 amI have now knitted my first hat. Now I just hope to not lose it before winter rolls around again. I really need to find/create a stitch'n'bitch or just a weekly time in which I knit, because I've got a niece coming and a babyblanket to make, and these days I keep defaulting to reading.
Anxiety is making me strangely irritable. I'm wanting to both reach out, because, well, I still really like the people I like, and sit on my couch and do nothing but read (see above) and have bad TV on (I'm enjoying both Petfinder and the animal planet reality shower Groomer Has It way more than is healthy). I'm sure I'm taking things personally not meant personally, but then I doubt myself entirely and say they must be personal, how could they not be?
I feel like I climb out of this rut and then jump back in, feet first, and wallow around in the mud at the bottom, and I'm tired of it, but I don't know how to find a way to change it. I am content with what I have, I'd probably be content with even less (Light and the cats being non-negotiable, along with a couple other people), but I always feel like I'm....I don't even have an adjective Missing something? Not trying hard enough? Needing to prove I'm lovable/useful? Something both deeply neurotic and silly, all at once.
For whatever reason, I'm dreading summer coming. I don't know why I'm expecting it to be worse on the eastern end of the state than the western, but I really, truly am (and I found it pretty bad on the western end). I know we can escape down to Marshfield whenever we want, and that'll be lovely, but....I'll really miss having air-conditioning.
But now, baking.
Anxiety is making me strangely irritable. I'm wanting to both reach out, because, well, I still really like the people I like, and sit on my couch and do nothing but read (see above) and have bad TV on (I'm enjoying both Petfinder and the animal planet reality shower Groomer Has It way more than is healthy). I'm sure I'm taking things personally not meant personally, but then I doubt myself entirely and say they must be personal, how could they not be?
I feel like I climb out of this rut and then jump back in, feet first, and wallow around in the mud at the bottom, and I'm tired of it, but I don't know how to find a way to change it. I am content with what I have, I'd probably be content with even less (Light and the cats being non-negotiable, along with a couple other people), but I always feel like I'm....I don't even have an adjective Missing something? Not trying hard enough? Needing to prove I'm lovable/useful? Something both deeply neurotic and silly, all at once.
For whatever reason, I'm dreading summer coming. I don't know why I'm expecting it to be worse on the eastern end of the state than the western, but I really, truly am (and I found it pretty bad on the western end). I know we can escape down to Marshfield whenever we want, and that'll be lovely, but....I'll really miss having air-conditioning.
But now, baking.
