(no subject)

My first well day in what feels like forever. I'm a little sniffly, but I can both eat real people food and stay conscious, two things I don't think I've been able to do in combination for a while. This trend will hopefully continue and encompass a concert at Johnny D's tonight, and socializing tomorrow. Only time will tell, I guess.

I'm anxious again, and I'm not sure if it's just that I've got unspent energy with only one outlet, or if there's something in particular I'm being anxious about and just haven't figured it out. Plotting things out on a Google calendar reminds me I have both a social life that pleases me and pleasant things yet to come. Taking a class at CCAE is a baby step, but it's still the first class I've taken in a very long time (knitting aside).

I'm contemplating dieting again (possible anxiety source, anyone?), and I'm contemplating what kind of cake I want to make myself for my birthday, and I know that dieting doesn't mean I'll never bake again, but that might be some of the anxiety. I'm certainly not dieting in any way that will cut me off from cooking, I'm pretty sure that would be doomed to failure, or misery, or both, but I'd like to see if I can be more conscious of what I'm eating without going to the crazy place. I think food is still the closest I get to religion, and if I could find a god that was based in recipes and feeding people, I might be able to generate a little more faith than I've yet managed.

We're taking down the tree tonight, and that makes me weird and wistful. I love the tree aesthetically (I'm a minimalist decorator and it's a got a handful of antique keys from my grandfather, a handful of star ornaments of different types, some frank lloyd wright icicles, and a strand of blue light sand a dragon), but mostly it just makes this place feel far homier than it had felt before, and I don't want that feeling to go away. Maybe leaving the archway of cards up will help.

What sort of cake should I make myself? I am overwhelmed by my choices.

(no subject)

My first well day in what feels like forever. I'm a little sniffly, but I can both eat real people food and stay conscious, two things I don't think I've been able to do in combination for a while. This trend will hopefully continue and encompass a concert at Johnny D's tonight, and socializing tomorrow. Only time will tell, I guess.

I'm anxious again, and I'm not sure if it's just that I've got unspent energy with only one outlet, or if there's something in particular I'm being anxious about and just haven't figured it out. Plotting things out on a Google calendar reminds me I have both a social life that pleases me and pleasant things yet to come. Taking a class at CCAE is a baby step, but it's still the first class I've taken in a very long time (knitting aside).

I'm contemplating dieting again (possible anxiety source, anyone?), and I'm contemplating what kind of cake I want to make myself for my birthday, and I know that dieting doesn't mean I'll never bake again, but that might be some of the anxiety. I'm certainly not dieting in any way that will cut me off from cooking, I'm pretty sure that would be doomed to failure, or misery, or both, but I'd like to see if I can be more conscious of what I'm eating without going to the crazy place. I think food is still the closest I get to religion, and if I could find a god that was based in recipes and feeding people, I might be able to generate a little more faith than I've yet managed.

We're taking down the tree tonight, and that makes me weird and wistful. I love the tree aesthetically (I'm a minimalist decorator and it's a got a handful of antique keys from my grandfather, a handful of star ornaments of different types, some frank lloyd wright icicles, and a strand of blue light sand a dragon), but mostly it just makes this place feel far homier than it had felt before, and I don't want that feeling to go away. Maybe leaving the archway of cards up will help.

What sort of cake should I make myself? I am overwhelmed by my choices.