signal? noise? noisy signal.

So this is married.

It's pretty neat, so far, some combination of everything being completely different and exactly the same, but better. I'm getting used to the weight of the bracelet, and inured to the funny looks when coworkers ask me where's my ring and I show them a bracelet with books on it.

I think I went to ground this past month, and it's hard to figure out how to start talking again, here or to people directly. I feel tucked into myself, either for a somersault or a cannonball, and I'm not sure if fall's a good time for hibernation, or if I should mix my metaphors with the seasons and try to figure out how to unfold. I worry about getting restless, about needing a "next thing" but I also worry about everything, which makes it hard to determine the appropriate weight of various worries. I'm trying to summon the urge or the impetus to get in touch with people, old and new and inbetween, to make plans, and I think it's for the right reasons, but I can never be entirely sure, since I only know how to identify the wrong reasons.

We're hoping to go to Hampshire College tonight, to listen to a talk about Pandora, and I'm not entirely sure if it's going to be any fun, but I'm curious. I made lasagna and banana-honey-spice bread last night, and am wavering between making spicy gingerbread or apple crisp for potluck on Wednesday. I need to get moving on all the official trappings of changing my name, I feel like an imposter when I sign my new name, as though my drivers license and my debit card dictated my identity more than any ceremony.

We cleaned and exercised and mulled apple cider and sat around in our pajamas and cleaned out the backlog of our Tivo, endless episodes of Cheap Seats and Keith Olbermann and Good Eats and played our computer games (WoW for him, we're experimenting with how we can fit it into our lifestyle in a way that doesn't test our relationship and Puzzle Pirates/King's Quest 2 for me) and it was a lovely lazy day. I wonder how other people sort out what to fight and what to sink into, and it's not that I think there's a scorecard somewhere out there, I just long sometimes for something off of which to bounce things. But mostly still just basking in the warmth of this.

I'm infatuated with the postal service again, and can't wait to be able to send out elopement announcements and thank you cards. (the announcements have yet to be designed/printed, and the thankyou cards have yet to be purchased). As I grow more into my own skin, I feel a little less like I'm tugging obnoxiously at everyone's sleeve when I mail them things, but it's still half bravado and it comes and goes, so I'm trying to resolve to do more when it's at high tide and fret less about what I've done or when it's at low tide. That said, you should all make plans with me. Out for a walk on the bikepath, over to bake something (though it can be scones only if you're Unexpected), meet up for a bad movie or tea-and-conversation over IM. You can tell me about your day and I'll talk too much about my cats and it will be lovely.

signal? noise? noisy signal.

So this is married.

It's pretty neat, so far, some combination of everything being completely different and exactly the same, but better. I'm getting used to the weight of the bracelet, and inured to the funny looks when coworkers ask me where's my ring and I show them a bracelet with books on it.

I think I went to ground this past month, and it's hard to figure out how to start talking again, here or to people directly. I feel tucked into myself, either for a somersault or a cannonball, and I'm not sure if fall's a good time for hibernation, or if I should mix my metaphors with the seasons and try to figure out how to unfold. I worry about getting restless, about needing a "next thing" but I also worry about everything, which makes it hard to determine the appropriate weight of various worries. I'm trying to summon the urge or the impetus to get in touch with people, old and new and inbetween, to make plans, and I think it's for the right reasons, but I can never be entirely sure, since I only know how to identify the wrong reasons.

We're hoping to go to Hampshire College tonight, to listen to a talk about Pandora, and I'm not entirely sure if it's going to be any fun, but I'm curious. I made lasagna and banana-honey-spice bread last night, and am wavering between making spicy gingerbread or apple crisp for potluck on Wednesday. I need to get moving on all the official trappings of changing my name, I feel like an imposter when I sign my new name, as though my drivers license and my debit card dictated my identity more than any ceremony.

We cleaned and exercised and mulled apple cider and sat around in our pajamas and cleaned out the backlog of our Tivo, endless episodes of Cheap Seats and Keith Olbermann and Good Eats and played our computer games (WoW for him, we're experimenting with how we can fit it into our lifestyle in a way that doesn't test our relationship and Puzzle Pirates/King's Quest 2 for me) and it was a lovely lazy day. I wonder how other people sort out what to fight and what to sink into, and it's not that I think there's a scorecard somewhere out there, I just long sometimes for something off of which to bounce things. But mostly still just basking in the warmth of this.

I'm infatuated with the postal service again, and can't wait to be able to send out elopement announcements and thank you cards. (the announcements have yet to be designed/printed, and the thankyou cards have yet to be purchased). As I grow more into my own skin, I feel a little less like I'm tugging obnoxiously at everyone's sleeve when I mail them things, but it's still half bravado and it comes and goes, so I'm trying to resolve to do more when it's at high tide and fret less about what I've done or when it's at low tide. That said, you should all make plans with me. Out for a walk on the bikepath, over to bake something (though it can be scones only if you're Unexpected), meet up for a bad movie or tea-and-conversation over IM. You can tell me about your day and I'll talk too much about my cats and it will be lovely.