(no subject)

I wrote two lists today. Somehow, the experience of writing them managed to be cathartic, depressing, motivating and selfindulgent all at once.

( Things my magical, free handyman would come do to my house. )

( Things my magical, patient (pathologically selfless) bestest friend would do with me/help me do. )

What these two lists tell me about myself.

I remain very good at doing what needs to be done, for a very specific definition of needs. I suck at doing the things that seem to benefit only myself, I suck trying to do things I don't already know that I can do, I'm easily daunted, and I don't like spending money that doesn't seem to me like it absolutely needs to be spent. I'm still lonely, and I probably might benefit from going back into therapy/back on meds. I probably form friendships with people far away more easily than I do with people who are nearby, and yet I long for the things a physically present friend could do with me. Both of these lists could easily also be titled, with a few revisions, Anxiety-Provoking Things That Remain Undone or Things I'm Afraid To Try To Do.

(no subject)

I wrote two lists today. Somehow, the experience of writing them managed to be cathartic, depressing, motivating and selfindulgent all at once.

( Things my magical, free handyman would come do to my house. )

( Things my magical, patient (pathologically selfless) bestest friend would do with me/help me do. )

What these two lists tell me about myself.

I remain very good at doing what needs to be done, for a very specific definition of needs. I suck at doing the things that seem to benefit only myself, I suck trying to do things I don't already know that I can do, I'm easily daunted, and I don't like spending money that doesn't seem to me like it absolutely needs to be spent. I'm still lonely, and I probably might benefit from going back into therapy/back on meds. I probably form friendships with people far away more easily than I do with people who are nearby, and yet I long for the things a physically present friend could do with me. Both of these lists could easily also be titled, with a few revisions, Anxiety-Provoking Things That Remain Undone or Things I'm Afraid To Try To Do.