(no subject)

two opposed thoughts walking home. 1) as heat-avoidant as i am, i very much love everything about the combination of the smell of just-mowed grass and the smell of warm tar. 2) dead birds on the side of the road mess me up. More then average roadkill (i specify average because a dead cat will leave me crying) and i'm not entirely certain why that is.

It's been a lovely couple of days (except for the points when it wasn't) and for the most part, I've been feeling unequal to the task of putting it into words. There was Junkyard and B visiting, and the subsequent mopeyness upon said visitors leaving, Tulip and Algonquin were charmingly married, and in a fashion where I can say with certainty the ceremony suited the celebrants. There was work, and wicked insomnia, and a lazy day off, first grilling fake meat products and watching PotC with Host, and then games and yummy leftover cake with the aforementioned newly married couple and another lovely woman. I liked Carcassonne just as much the second time around with different players and am now deeply curious to see how it plays with the add-on that Light purchased.

Yesterday was the long-dreaded doctor's appointment, and while the outcome is probably the best possible one realistically, the decision to pick intermittent pain over most likely non-covered surgery seems to be taking a bit of a toll on my mood. I'm happy I don't have to try and figure out how to pay for anything, I'm happy I don't have to go back under any knives, and I'm probably just being sort of generally ungrateful, since I wanted some solution that was covered, nonsurgical, and made the hurting go away. And I think (know) I'm being deliberately secretive or shy, I'm not actually interested in going into the whole story out here where everyone can see me, maybe I'm just looking for nonspecific sympathy.

Last night I ended up meeting a lovely woman in person for the first time. Two lovely women, to be precise, one after the other. I'd met them both on LJ, the first via Unexpected, the latter through the former. I'm tempted to call them something like Animate and Lush upon first meeting them, but will give it time and space see if something else rounds out my first impressions. The personal timing felt odd, my first actual period of many months coinciding with what felt like a small army of children (I think they only numbered four individual bodies in reality, but in energy felt like many more). But I was social with strangers and ate a sandwich of bread and what could only be described as the platonic ideal of blueberries in spread form and gave my number out, and sort of let myself get swept away in a stream of conversation without feeling very much like I was participating, only absorbing. I got lovely hugs, and pieces to the puzzles that are people I'm deeply intrigued by and I wouldn't have had half as much fun if Unexpected hadn't been there to keep me grounded (for lack of a better word).

I'm spending a lot of time thinking about my appearance, and what i want to make of it, possibly prompted by wedding-dress thoughts, possibly prompted by the fact i'm thirty. i tried a dress on that i'd worn to Media's high school graduation, and it's a little tighter around the tits but otherwise fits again (it didn't at one point) and i, in all seriousness, tell Light it must be because i've redistributed weight. I need to learn how to wear makeup, or maybe it's just a want, but just like every other need/want, i'm not entirely certain how to embark upon the project. (Suggestions, world at large?)

I need to go shower, but i keep saying one more song, and Pandora keeps rocking my world. I finally caved and made a just Kris Delmhorst station, after all my attempts for a generic folk station ended me up listening to country and calypso. And I really should stop browsing Petfinder for animals I can't adopt. And now I have to go save Funnyface from the evil cat-trapping screen.

(no subject)

two opposed thoughts walking home. 1) as heat-avoidant as i am, i very much love everything about the combination of the smell of just-mowed grass and the smell of warm tar. 2) dead birds on the side of the road mess me up. More then average roadkill (i specify average because a dead cat will leave me crying) and i'm not entirely certain why that is.

It's been a lovely couple of days (except for the points when it wasn't) and for the most part, I've been feeling unequal to the task of putting it into words. There was Junkyard and B visiting, and the subsequent mopeyness upon said visitors leaving, Tulip and Algonquin were charmingly married, and in a fashion where I can say with certainty the ceremony suited the celebrants. There was work, and wicked insomnia, and a lazy day off, first grilling fake meat products and watching PotC with Host, and then games and yummy leftover cake with the aforementioned newly married couple and another lovely woman. I liked Carcassonne just as much the second time around with different players and am now deeply curious to see how it plays with the add-on that Light purchased.

Yesterday was the long-dreaded doctor's appointment, and while the outcome is probably the best possible one realistically, the decision to pick intermittent pain over most likely non-covered surgery seems to be taking a bit of a toll on my mood. I'm happy I don't have to try and figure out how to pay for anything, I'm happy I don't have to go back under any knives, and I'm probably just being sort of generally ungrateful, since I wanted some solution that was covered, nonsurgical, and made the hurting go away. And I think (know) I'm being deliberately secretive or shy, I'm not actually interested in going into the whole story out here where everyone can see me, maybe I'm just looking for nonspecific sympathy.

Last night I ended up meeting a lovely woman in person for the first time. Two lovely women, to be precise, one after the other. I'd met them both on LJ, the first via Unexpected, the latter through the former. I'm tempted to call them something like Animate and Lush upon first meeting them, but will give it time and space see if something else rounds out my first impressions. The personal timing felt odd, my first actual period of many months coinciding with what felt like a small army of children (I think they only numbered four individual bodies in reality, but in energy felt like many more). But I was social with strangers and ate a sandwich of bread and what could only be described as the platonic ideal of blueberries in spread form and gave my number out, and sort of let myself get swept away in a stream of conversation without feeling very much like I was participating, only absorbing. I got lovely hugs, and pieces to the puzzles that are people I'm deeply intrigued by and I wouldn't have had half as much fun if Unexpected hadn't been there to keep me grounded (for lack of a better word).

I'm spending a lot of time thinking about my appearance, and what i want to make of it, possibly prompted by wedding-dress thoughts, possibly prompted by the fact i'm thirty. i tried a dress on that i'd worn to Media's high school graduation, and it's a little tighter around the tits but otherwise fits again (it didn't at one point) and i, in all seriousness, tell Light it must be because i've redistributed weight. I need to learn how to wear makeup, or maybe it's just a want, but just like every other need/want, i'm not entirely certain how to embark upon the project. (Suggestions, world at large?)

I need to go shower, but i keep saying one more song, and Pandora keeps rocking my world. I finally caved and made a just Kris Delmhorst station, after all my attempts for a generic folk station ended me up listening to country and calypso. And I really should stop browsing Petfinder for animals I can't adopt. And now I have to go save Funnyface from the evil cat-trapping screen.