"and i can smile"

Uncommunicative lately, at least in this medium. A couple voluminous emails out, though, and a lot of private writing. I think I've recently become concerned with the neediness I convey in this medium. Not with regards to Light, that I've come to my own terms with, but with my desire for human contact in general, and I think that it's sort of clotting my ability to talk or type at the moment. There's stuff going on that I'm not talking to anyone about, that I'm barely talking to myself about, and I'm hoping time will reduce the complexity of my desires to a point where I can put them to words, because I'd love to be able to turn to someone and talk about this, but at the moment, I'm stumbling enough for words that stumbling for audience at the same time seems doomed to failure.

In other news, there was pulao and raspberry buckle last night, and i's been a good week mostly, and next week will be even better, though I'm dreading the day I actually finish Psychonauts (I'm wandering around the asylum guard's brain now, having just finished lungfishopolis). I'm getting more afraid of the dental surgery daily, and have re-realized that I'm more afraid that it won't ever end than I am of each individual surgery, even if it is the individual surgery that give my fear a focus. Five weeks from tomorrow is the next go-round. There are people coming over tomorrow for soup and boardgames (and guitarhero!) and we intended to order in sushi and eat in it in bed for our hallmark holiday and then I get to go to pittsburgh next weekend, a prospect about which I am downright gleeful.

I'm staggering through Still Life and V for Vendetta and Stiff, and reading Byatt still feels a little bit like punishing myself, but I feel so very accomplished when I'm done, and I figure I'll try for one a month until I get through what I've got stacked up in the bookcase, and when I finish all three of these, I'll treat myself with Iron Council. I'm reviewing latin as well, and it's oddly satisfying to make my mind work in that particular way again, especially since this textbook is different enough from the way I learned the first time that it's building a similar but also entirely new foundation to support the same basic structure.

I love the shadow of my new coat on the ground when I walk home, and I'm still browsing petfinder for kittens and puppies I can't have, but puzzle pirates and livejournal are takig a backseat to video games and napping right now, and I hate that everything is so very February-feeling, even when I'm happy.

"and i can smile"

Uncommunicative lately, at least in this medium. A couple voluminous emails out, though, and a lot of private writing. I think I've recently become concerned with the neediness I convey in this medium. Not with regards to Light, that I've come to my own terms with, but with my desire for human contact in general, and I think that it's sort of clotting my ability to talk or type at the moment. There's stuff going on that I'm not talking to anyone about, that I'm barely talking to myself about, and I'm hoping time will reduce the complexity of my desires to a point where I can put them to words, because I'd love to be able to turn to someone and talk about this, but at the moment, I'm stumbling enough for words that stumbling for audience at the same time seems doomed to failure.

In other news, there was pulao and raspberry buckle last night, and i's been a good week mostly, and next week will be even better, though I'm dreading the day I actually finish Psychonauts (I'm wandering around the asylum guard's brain now, having just finished lungfishopolis). I'm getting more afraid of the dental surgery daily, and have re-realized that I'm more afraid that it won't ever end than I am of each individual surgery, even if it is the individual surgery that give my fear a focus. Five weeks from tomorrow is the next go-round. There are people coming over tomorrow for soup and boardgames (and guitarhero!) and we intended to order in sushi and eat in it in bed for our hallmark holiday and then I get to go to pittsburgh next weekend, a prospect about which I am downright gleeful.

I'm staggering through Still Life and V for Vendetta and Stiff, and reading Byatt still feels a little bit like punishing myself, but I feel so very accomplished when I'm done, and I figure I'll try for one a month until I get through what I've got stacked up in the bookcase, and when I finish all three of these, I'll treat myself with Iron Council. I'm reviewing latin as well, and it's oddly satisfying to make my mind work in that particular way again, especially since this textbook is different enough from the way I learned the first time that it's building a similar but also entirely new foundation to support the same basic structure.

I love the shadow of my new coat on the ground when I walk home, and I'm still browsing petfinder for kittens and puppies I can't have, but puzzle pirates and livejournal are takig a backseat to video games and napping right now, and I hate that everything is so very February-feeling, even when I'm happy.