"let's start at the beginning again"
Sep. 8th, 2005 11:09 amstupid dilemma time.
so, there's this movie i promised myself i'd go see. a scary movie, one i can't see with Light, a bold gesture of my ability to entertain myself while he's away at game night, recapturing my ability to go to movies, scary or not, alone. i miss going to all the stupid and scary movies without worrying about whether or not the other person's enjoying themselves, 'cause there is no other person to be worrying about. sure, it's sad that all my witty asides go untreasured, but i'm will to make that sacrifice in order to see movies with lots of blood, or dance numbers, or othersuch.
but, two things have thrown a wrench in these plans. well, one thing has, and another complicates the wrench. i've got a horrific headcold, or i've suddenly become deathly allergic to the world in a very phlegm-tastic way. i didn't sleep much at all last night, and i can't get things out the bottom drawer of my desk at work because when i bend over, there are funny sparkles behind my eyes and it makes me want to cry more than a little bit.
normally, i'd say, screw the movie, go home, dose myself with nyquil, hope that one of the netflix dvds had shown up (Coyote Ugly and the first disc of Tru Calling), eat leftover something if it was available and go buy myself a can of soup if it wasn't, and then pass out watching the aforementioned dvd.
but Light's game night got canceled tonight. originally i said that i'd still go to the movie, and i'd still get home approximately the time he got home. but i really, really feel like crap. but i also feel a little bit like if i don't go to the movie, it's 'cause i'm still a big dork who really doesn't want to spend any more time away from light than she absolutely has to. (for a fuzzy definition of has to that includes going out for one-on-ones with my friends, 'cause that's still in the imperative category sometimes) and while i'm not particularly interested in spending time not-with-light just to prove to myself i can, i'm never quite sure if i should be interested. or what, if anything, dictates 'should' for that matter.
i'm guessing, barring a sudden ability to breathe and swallow normally, i'll not go to the movies. but still, grrrr on my complicated headspace.
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so, there's this movie i promised myself i'd go see. a scary movie, one i can't see with Light, a bold gesture of my ability to entertain myself while he's away at game night, recapturing my ability to go to movies, scary or not, alone. i miss going to all the stupid and scary movies without worrying about whether or not the other person's enjoying themselves, 'cause there is no other person to be worrying about. sure, it's sad that all my witty asides go untreasured, but i'm will to make that sacrifice in order to see movies with lots of blood, or dance numbers, or othersuch.
but, two things have thrown a wrench in these plans. well, one thing has, and another complicates the wrench. i've got a horrific headcold, or i've suddenly become deathly allergic to the world in a very phlegm-tastic way. i didn't sleep much at all last night, and i can't get things out the bottom drawer of my desk at work because when i bend over, there are funny sparkles behind my eyes and it makes me want to cry more than a little bit.
normally, i'd say, screw the movie, go home, dose myself with nyquil, hope that one of the netflix dvds had shown up (Coyote Ugly and the first disc of Tru Calling), eat leftover something if it was available and go buy myself a can of soup if it wasn't, and then pass out watching the aforementioned dvd.
but Light's game night got canceled tonight. originally i said that i'd still go to the movie, and i'd still get home approximately the time he got home. but i really, really feel like crap. but i also feel a little bit like if i don't go to the movie, it's 'cause i'm still a big dork who really doesn't want to spend any more time away from light than she absolutely has to. (for a fuzzy definition of has to that includes going out for one-on-ones with my friends, 'cause that's still in the imperative category sometimes) and while i'm not particularly interested in spending time not-with-light just to prove to myself i can, i'm never quite sure if i should be interested. or what, if anything, dictates 'should' for that matter.
i'm guessing, barring a sudden ability to breathe and swallow normally, i'll not go to the movies. but still, grrrr on my complicated headspace.
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