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Mar. 2nd, 2005 07:35 pmstrange, strange.
i've been sick for what feels like forever. i know it's only been since saturday/sunday, but it certainly feels like forever. and i know that it was STUPID STUPID STUPID not to take my pills for three days in a row and i'm hoping to wake up tomorrow, feel better, take my pills, go to work and get back to regularly schedule business, whatever that might be.
inside of this house, my life rocks hard core. i'm in another one my mushy-as-hell phases, and really just want to spend all of my time trying to tell light how much i love him, even if i still don't have the words for it. (we've an arbitrary-decided-upon date for our two year anniversary at the end of this month, and i find myself excited about it in a way i don't think i really understand yet). tableau being unable to come and paint this week threw me, but i think it also strengthened my resolve to get over my chickenshittedness and do it myself.
outside of this house, not so sure. it's not bad, it's just less than straightforward. one of the things i've always feared is leaning on any one person too hard. maybe this is just a lesson to learn about how it really is okay to lean on light. but all my social contacts fall into places i don't understand, and it's hard to not just say "screw the world" in all its various confusing forms.
i have no idea where i stand with almost anyone but my lover, girlbiscuit, my cats and my student loans and i think i have to learn to be okay with that.
i've been sick for what feels like forever. i know it's only been since saturday/sunday, but it certainly feels like forever. and i know that it was STUPID STUPID STUPID not to take my pills for three days in a row and i'm hoping to wake up tomorrow, feel better, take my pills, go to work and get back to regularly schedule business, whatever that might be.
inside of this house, my life rocks hard core. i'm in another one my mushy-as-hell phases, and really just want to spend all of my time trying to tell light how much i love him, even if i still don't have the words for it. (we've an arbitrary-decided-upon date for our two year anniversary at the end of this month, and i find myself excited about it in a way i don't think i really understand yet). tableau being unable to come and paint this week threw me, but i think it also strengthened my resolve to get over my chickenshittedness and do it myself.
outside of this house, not so sure. it's not bad, it's just less than straightforward. one of the things i've always feared is leaning on any one person too hard. maybe this is just a lesson to learn about how it really is okay to lean on light. but all my social contacts fall into places i don't understand, and it's hard to not just say "screw the world" in all its various confusing forms.
i have no idea where i stand with almost anyone but my lover, girlbiscuit, my cats and my student loans and i think i have to learn to be okay with that.
