"with all the illusions we've shed"

the heat is very unlovely.

i find myself incapable of determining what i want, past the "not this" stage.

and light forgets his own birthday and i wish "be mindful" was actually a coherent instruction.

maybe it's unnatural to want all the wrinkles out at once, the wrinkles will teach us more about how to get along. and i'm not sure if it's bad that i kind of wanted to stay on the downstairs couch with my tears and my stuffedanimallobster.

i really want to get to the post office.

spending my scant inheritance from tampa all on oral surgery wasn't really wasting it. i just feel inexplicably disappointed that i don't have that money protecting me anymore, like i let tampa down by not being able to use it for something positive or proactive.

and no matter where my thoughts go, they trace back to Mech's headed off to the other coast, and i can't/won't/shouldn't follow.

not-so-secret crush gives me the text i crave at work, like a hand on the hair, and i do get to roll over to light, and i had the asskickingest time at the Day After Tomorrow with History (because really, no one lets me talk at a movie like history lets me talk) and i have eventual plans with Lyric, who everysooften seems to understand with so much clarity it stuns. so what if light doesn't seem interested in participating in the learn-to-cook project, or birthday plans? so what if i've accidentally turned my summer into an exhausting whirlwind of stuff? so what if ever time my mind glances upon the thought of my little brothers it shrills
"leaving,leaving,left"?

write them down, ride them out.

all this changes, event and mood and place. perspective eventually shifts, i just have to wait long enough.

"with all the illusions we've shed"

the heat is very unlovely.

i find myself incapable of determining what i want, past the "not this" stage.

and light forgets his own birthday and i wish "be mindful" was actually a coherent instruction.

maybe it's unnatural to want all the wrinkles out at once, the wrinkles will teach us more about how to get along. and i'm not sure if it's bad that i kind of wanted to stay on the downstairs couch with my tears and my stuffedanimallobster.

i really want to get to the post office.

spending my scant inheritance from tampa all on oral surgery wasn't really wasting it. i just feel inexplicably disappointed that i don't have that money protecting me anymore, like i let tampa down by not being able to use it for something positive or proactive.

and no matter where my thoughts go, they trace back to Mech's headed off to the other coast, and i can't/won't/shouldn't follow.

not-so-secret crush gives me the text i crave at work, like a hand on the hair, and i do get to roll over to light, and i had the asskickingest time at the Day After Tomorrow with History (because really, no one lets me talk at a movie like history lets me talk) and i have eventual plans with Lyric, who everysooften seems to understand with so much clarity it stuns. so what if light doesn't seem interested in participating in the learn-to-cook project, or birthday plans? so what if i've accidentally turned my summer into an exhausting whirlwind of stuff? so what if ever time my mind glances upon the thought of my little brothers it shrills
"leaving,leaving,left"?

write them down, ride them out.

all this changes, event and mood and place. perspective eventually shifts, i just have to wait long enough.