(no subject)

random quick thought, so i remember i wish to post about it today, whilst slacking at work.

they didn't like me. which doesn't really matter anymore, except as a gloss. i lived in a weird liminal place, too practical for the postmodern, too postmodern for the practical, too crazy for the sane, too sane for the crazy. i was a giant, gaping pit of need, and there is one moment and one moment alone in which i remember feeling safe, and i don't even know how to spell her last name anymore.

i wasn't likable. and now, in spurts, i am.

(screwing around with lj in the insomniac hours of the morning, i follow train upon train of userinfo to find a number of old friends/allies/enemies and it's unsurprising that this space would appeal to swatties for so many reasons, but mercy and alcohol took so much of what i remember of the details of college away that having even a few come flooding back perplexes)

most i don't, but some of the ones i recognize i add, well, two to be precise. a woman that i seem to remember was going to live with me in philly and then stopped returning phone calls, and another who lived in the same dorm as i did freshman and junior years, and i think heartily disapproved of me by the second occurrence.

but Adroit was correct, his silversmith is a fucking brilliant writer and this is not some odd passive-aggressive attempt to garner sympathy, false or otherwise from the people from college who read this now. it's simply pulling out one of those many boxes stuffed under the bed and at the very least, examining the contents and contexts through the distortion of plastic sides.

you don't twelvestep out of crazy, even if you were an alcoholic at the time, and there's no use in trying to unearth old acquaintances to apologize or, counter to the twelvestep experience, to try and clarify. even if i can't pin it down, like an archive of dead butterflies imperfectly preserved, shedding color and dust, my past shapes my now and my now is fanfuckingtastic, even if i speak a language with only one usable infix.

(no subject)

random quick thought, so i remember i wish to post about it today, whilst slacking at work.

they didn't like me. which doesn't really matter anymore, except as a gloss. i lived in a weird liminal place, too practical for the postmodern, too postmodern for the practical, too crazy for the sane, too sane for the crazy. i was a giant, gaping pit of need, and there is one moment and one moment alone in which i remember feeling safe, and i don't even know how to spell her last name anymore.

i wasn't likable. and now, in spurts, i am.

(screwing around with lj in the insomniac hours of the morning, i follow train upon train of userinfo to find a number of old friends/allies/enemies and it's unsurprising that this space would appeal to swatties for so many reasons, but mercy and alcohol took so much of what i remember of the details of college away that having even a few come flooding back perplexes)

most i don't, but some of the ones i recognize i add, well, two to be precise. a woman that i seem to remember was going to live with me in philly and then stopped returning phone calls, and another who lived in the same dorm as i did freshman and junior years, and i think heartily disapproved of me by the second occurrence.

but Adroit was correct, his silversmith is a fucking brilliant writer and this is not some odd passive-aggressive attempt to garner sympathy, false or otherwise from the people from college who read this now. it's simply pulling out one of those many boxes stuffed under the bed and at the very least, examining the contents and contexts through the distortion of plastic sides.

you don't twelvestep out of crazy, even if you were an alcoholic at the time, and there's no use in trying to unearth old acquaintances to apologize or, counter to the twelvestep experience, to try and clarify. even if i can't pin it down, like an archive of dead butterflies imperfectly preserved, shedding color and dust, my past shapes my now and my now is fanfuckingtastic, even if i speak a language with only one usable infix.

"i say i'm just falling from grace"

the divine meme
If you were a god...

1. Would you allow other gods before you or be a jealous god?
the more the merrier. but i'd taunt worshippers if they chose the wrong one.

2. What bizarre lifestyle requirements would you place on your priesthood?
they must own at least three times their bodyweight in books at all times. they must own at least one cat, the more chemo-kitty-esque the better. (felv, fiv, one eye, three legs, no tail, you get the idea) (someone's been looking at the special needs cats on www.petfinder.com too often)

3. What sacrifice would be most pleasing unto you?
the dedication of some period of time to learning something relatively useless.

4. How many sacraments would you have, and what would they be?
(embarrassingly enough, i have now spent a great deal of time reading about the nature of sacraments and am only moderately closer to an understanding of _exactly_ how a sacrament would be defined)
the acquisition of literacy, the giving of the first book, the first prescription for any sort psychoactive pharmaceutical, the first diagnosis. the most important would be administered by nomadic priests who would spend their lives roaming the earth, attempting to find the sarcastic and raise them up.

5. How would you smite those who offended thee in thy sight?

they would routinely forget the word for what they were talking about, while retaining the concept, and be forced to stumble for long periods of time trying to describe.

6. With what other gods would you consort?

Ananke, Eumenidies, The Furies, the Fates, Dionysus, but he could only come to parties with Apollo. Eris and Hermes, Quetzacoatal, Anubis and Hecate. anyone associated with night, lunacy, or literacy.

7. How many orders of angels would you have, and what would they be called?
Letter
Syllable
Word
Phrase
Sentence
Paragraph
Chapter
Book.

8. With what omens would you announce your impending arrival on earth?

fire.

9. What animal would symbolically represent you in your scriptures?

snakes.

10. How would you redeem humanity for its sins?

teach them selfmockery.

"i say i'm just falling from grace"

the divine meme
If you were a god...

1. Would you allow other gods before you or be a jealous god?
the more the merrier. but i'd taunt worshippers if they chose the wrong one.

2. What bizarre lifestyle requirements would you place on your priesthood?
they must own at least three times their bodyweight in books at all times. they must own at least one cat, the more chemo-kitty-esque the better. (felv, fiv, one eye, three legs, no tail, you get the idea) (someone's been looking at the special needs cats on www.petfinder.com too often)

3. What sacrifice would be most pleasing unto you?
the dedication of some period of time to learning something relatively useless.

4. How many sacraments would you have, and what would they be?
(embarrassingly enough, i have now spent a great deal of time reading about the nature of sacraments and am only moderately closer to an understanding of _exactly_ how a sacrament would be defined)
the acquisition of literacy, the giving of the first book, the first prescription for any sort psychoactive pharmaceutical, the first diagnosis. the most important would be administered by nomadic priests who would spend their lives roaming the earth, attempting to find the sarcastic and raise them up.

5. How would you smite those who offended thee in thy sight?

they would routinely forget the word for what they were talking about, while retaining the concept, and be forced to stumble for long periods of time trying to describe.

6. With what other gods would you consort?

Ananke, Eumenidies, The Furies, the Fates, Dionysus, but he could only come to parties with Apollo. Eris and Hermes, Quetzacoatal, Anubis and Hecate. anyone associated with night, lunacy, or literacy.

7. How many orders of angels would you have, and what would they be called?
Letter
Syllable
Word
Phrase
Sentence
Paragraph
Chapter
Book.

8. With what omens would you announce your impending arrival on earth?

fire.

9. What animal would symbolically represent you in your scriptures?

snakes.

10. How would you redeem humanity for its sins?

teach them selfmockery.

"i guess i got there on my own"

Hands weighs in on the interview meme, with questions that made me think. (and a compliment i'm pretty sure made me blush). i never think of anyone of being proud of me, and it shocks me still every time.

( more lengthy answers than necessary to wicked interesting questions )

"i guess i got there on my own"

Hands weighs in on the interview meme, with questions that made me think. (and a compliment i'm pretty sure made me blush). i never think of anyone of being proud of me, and it shocks me still every time.

( more lengthy answers than necessary to wicked interesting questions )