omnia_mutantur: (Default)
I wrote two lists today. Somehow, the experience of writing them managed to be cathartic, depressing, motivating and selfindulgent all at once.

Things my magical, free handyman would come do to my house. )

Things my magical, patient (pathologically selfless) bestest friend would do with me/help me do. )

What these two lists tell me about myself.

I remain very good at doing what needs to be done, for a very specific definition of needs. I suck at doing the things that seem to benefit only myself, I suck trying to do things I don't already know that I can do, I'm easily daunted, and I don't like spending money that doesn't seem to me like it absolutely needs to be spent. I'm still lonely, and I probably might benefit from going back into therapy/back on meds. I probably form friendships with people far away more easily than I do with people who are nearby, and yet I long for the things a physically present friend could do with me. Both of these lists could easily also be titled, with a few revisions, Anxiety-Provoking Things That Remain Undone or Things I'm Afraid To Try To Do.
omnia_mutantur: (Default)
I wrote two lists today. Somehow, the experience of writing them managed to be cathartic, depressing, motivating and selfindulgent all at once.

Things my magical, free handyman would come do to my house. )

Things my magical, patient (pathologically selfless) bestest friend would do with me/help me do. )

What these two lists tell me about myself.

I remain very good at doing what needs to be done, for a very specific definition of needs. I suck at doing the things that seem to benefit only myself, I suck trying to do things I don't already know that I can do, I'm easily daunted, and I don't like spending money that doesn't seem to me like it absolutely needs to be spent. I'm still lonely, and I probably might benefit from going back into therapy/back on meds. I probably form friendships with people far away more easily than I do with people who are nearby, and yet I long for the things a physically present friend could do with me. Both of these lists could easily also be titled, with a few revisions, Anxiety-Provoking Things That Remain Undone or Things I'm Afraid To Try To Do.

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omnia_mutantur

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