Feb. 15th, 2017

omnia_mutantur: (Default)
Yesterday, I spoke directly with my little brother, who was very sorry that I’d cried and been freaked out and reassured me that it very much wasn’t about me in any way, that it’s all about Tank and Tank’s needs (and some of his wife’s).  And he assured me that he loved me and wanted me in Tank’s life and maybe we could start doing weekends and when I apologized for getting my feelings all over him he told me I never needed to apologize for my
So, I calmed.  And Valentine’s Day was a bit of clusterfuck, but also lovely. Good food, two of my partners, adorable cards exchanged, TV watched.
And then Teach texted me at 7am today to tell me that she had to cancel my time with Tank today, he was unwell and hadn’t napped at daycare the prrevious day.  So I spent the day alternating sulking and cleaning, and then took two of the four cats to the vet for their annual.  (I hate driving and it remains the bomb all at once.)

There’s a person in the area who hosts an optionally-anonymous valentine's day lj confessional.  In it there are usually interesting threads that allow for glimpses into other people's lives.  These are balanced out by local people all confessing crushes on one another.   I anonymously confessed a crush a handful of years ago, got directly called out on it by the crushee, and proceeded to have a lot of intense feelings (being outsmarted is always hot), which culminated in said crushee telling me in the span of a few weeks that I was lovely, and if they had the time/space/energy/situation to date me, they would but they didn’t so they wouldn’t.  (Abundance said pretty much the same thing in about the same two week period.)  I know the chances of seeing my name in it are extremely low, I don’t move in those circles and for the most part, I don’t think I want to, except for the part of the time when I totally do want to. Is it an ego thing? A feeling of invisibility? I’m a grown-ass woman with a full dance card, what am I hoping for?  Why can’t I just tell myself not to read it?
Oh, stuff.  


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