Jan. 15th, 2017

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I had an awesome birthday party yesterday, including much amazing food by Delight, many many snuggles and general merriment.  I'm starting to try to cross the streams of my friendships, Delight and husband (I totally came up with a name for him that I can't remember) have met Hands and Hips, and Abundance's Viking came to meet all four of them. (He'd met Hands and Hips in passing when he visited during Light's D&D night but hadn't conversed with them).  And there was much nerdery, the jargon-laden computer talk I'm so used to, the food nerdery which I love so much and the new-to-me music nerdery.  Everyone seemed so well matched, like I'm finally starting to develop a friend aesthetic, rather than clinging to whomever passes by.  And there was a rousing game of Embarrass Yourself with Geography (officially known as Map It), and Exploding Kittens and Joking Hazard.

I used to think, I maybe still do think, that I was a burden, and that the kindest thing I could do was to spread that burden as thinly as possible.  I want for a lot of conversation, a lot of thinking about what goes on inside our heads, a lot of learning about new things.  And I think of myself as being exceptionally difficult to handle, and so I should try to find a bunch of people who needed something from me and I would provide that thing in exchange for them handling some part of my difficultness.  (while I've mostly stricken crazy from my vocabulary as a pejorative, I still sometimes want it to be a label I claim, rather than one I talk around).  And the more people, the less the burden on any individual person, less toxin per person Something's changing, I'm enjoying this small group of people, I'm not chasing anyone.  Depth, not breadth.

(Even after googling, breadth does not seem like a word at all.   First Second Third Fourth Breadth.)

Next post I want to talk about charitable giving, kickstarter and patreon. And I want to get back to posting all the things I wrote for the memoir class.   I'm also struggling with how often I should post about books.  Every time I finish one? ten? end of month?


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