Jan. 5th, 2017

omnia_mutantur: (Default)
 Another day home sick from work, though today I actually managed to focus enough to do a couple pieces of work.

Mostly, however, I listened to the end of my audio book and read Captain Awkward archives, wondering about the letters I'd write if I ever did, about jerkbrain, about poly, about the nature of friendship, and what to do when I know I don't keep up my end, but still adore people, and wondering if the answer just is I'm lazy.  I know I've grown up a little bit, I no longer think friends are like pokemon, that I need to collect them all as a bulwark against the inevitable being left by some of them, I don't feel desperate, and though occasionally lonely, I'm mostly down with that as being opportunities for lessons in self soothing.  But I wonder how to be friends with people, how often I should contact someone, if it's okay to wait until they contact me, if I'm offending them horribly with my tendency to have migraines and cancel, if there's something I'm supposed to be doing that no one told me.

I journal most days, google docs I share with Abundance, and I made a comment about reading fanfic not counting as reading, and how I couldn't connect it to any goals, and he commented that sometimes doing things for the enjoyment of them is enough, and I find that mindboggling.  And it leads to a lot of strange thoughts about why be alive, what do I want to do with this life, do I dare to look for things I really want?   Abundance had/has a life coach, and when he tells me what they talk about, I'm fascinated and a little bit skeptical.   And part of me wants to try it out, to see if there's some way to realize what it is I want to be doing, and part of me doesn't think that the coach would be ready for this jelly, for values of jelly that consist of cripplingly low self esteem, PTSD and a couple other party favors.

I got a killer haul at the Porter Square Books New Year's Day sale.  I didn't buy any fiction, I'm going to try to continue the policy of reading fiction electronically and then if I really truly believe I need a hard copy, buying it then.  (with of course, the occasional trip to a used bookstore throwing all my good intentions overboard).  Said haul was

something called little codr, which is aimed at four years olds, and I don't know if I want to give it to my nephew/godson Coolidge, who is four, or wait until Tank is old enough to enjoy it.  I love the combination of thinking about things in small steps and the opportunity to control your environment.  

Thug Kitchen 101: Fast as Fuck.   So, I'm not really down with the Thug Kitchen style, I want measurements and precision, but Abundance likes them, and I did make their carrot dogs recently and was impressed/intrigued (despite the fact that I cooked the carrots for 4 times as long as they said and they still weren't cooked through.   

The Superfun Times Vegan Holiday Cookbook: Entertaining for Absolutely Every Occasion. I adore Isa Chandra Moskovwitz and over the top titles.  I'm still not willing to go completely vegan, but I'm leaning towards more vegan main dishes.

50 More Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food: Mindfulness Strategies to Cope with Stress and End Emotional Eating.  I have the first one of these in e-book, and it's actually been very interesting, and not at all shaming (for me at least).  I'm anxious to even put this on my haul list, because I worry it sounds dangerously like fat-shaming and that is definitely not my jam.  But I'm shit at self-soothing, and I know food doesn't usually work, so more tips are good.

Magical Destinations of the Northeast: Sacred Sites, Occult Oddities & Magical Monuments.   (oh the semicolons).  I love guidebooks of all sorts, I love thinking about adventures, and ones that can be done with a day trip or an overnight are even better.  And while I'm still agnostic, I find faith fascinating, so I'm hoping for a good combination of kitsch and sincerity.

and last but not least, A Child of Books, which is one of those children's books actually designed to tug at adult heartstrings, and boy does it ever.  "I have sailed across a sea of words to ask if you will come away with me."






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